Bravo To You Working Parents

September 16, 2018February 4, 2019

Bravo To You Working Parents

Today is National Working Parents’ Day! It is a day to honor parents who work to provide for their families. I have been lucky enough to stay home with my kids since I became a mother, but as I prepared for this post, the challenges of working parents were so evident.

At first, I imagined doing a post on the current legislation supporting working parents, especially new parents. Maternity and paternity leave came to mind. I didn’t want to compare our parental leave mandates in the U.S. to other nations. To me, that’s like comparing my family to yours – we are us and you are you. We all have different needs and ways to thriving. But, I was interested in the research done on what’s the ideal length of parental leave in terms of mother and baby health. What’s the sweet spot for optimal family happiness and health? I bet you in the end, this sweet spot is good for business, too!

It seems the answer is 6-12 months! At this point, moms and babies are ready. Mothers who have this length of leave or close to it experience less Postpartum Depression and Anxiety, improved emotional health, higher breastfeeding success, and relational stability with their partners. Babies have reduced rates of SIDS and increased chance of well-baby care with a pediatrician. Without the early distraction of work, parents also report being able to exercise high sensitivity and responsiveness to their infants (see here and here). These benefits extend for decades. And it all seems pretty intuitive, right?

It’s too bad, then, that the current federal mandate is 6 weeks of unpaid leave. The general thought seems to be that improving this issue would be good for businesses, too. Paid leaves that are too long or too short discourage women from returning to work. When companies provide sufficient time off, they boost employee morale and retention and positively impact business productivity. “This is really what economists call a human capital investment. You invest in this, you will end up picking up the benefits of this policy even years later,” says Mauricio Avendano, associate professor of social science, health, and medicine at King’s College, London.

It’s clear that reaching the sweet spot of parental leave duration is an unfortunate rarity for us. Let’s hope this will improve and in the meantime: Kudos, serious kudos, to you working parents! The burdens you bear are immense. The fact that you do the impossible on a daily basis for the good of your family is incredible. There’s a reason you have a national day all your own.

How does Marabou support women?

We live in culture where “bouncing back” is more valued than proper rest. As admirable as it may be for a sports star to get back on the field, the same rules don’t apply to postpartum recovery. The traditional resting period has been stolen from women through pressure to get back to their job or simply through lack of presence.

Grandmas, sisters and best friends who otherwise would have been there to help a woman transition into motherhood often live too far away to be of any help. Household chores and caring for older children inevitably fall on the mom. But she just delivered a new life! She needs rest.

Marabou Services is a unique gift registry which provides services instead of stuff. Most mom’s get too many onesies, too many baby blankets and not enough helping hands. Break out of a destructive cultural norm and start a Marabou registry today.

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

September 13, 2018February 4, 2019

Attention & Autonomy: What Your Older Kids Need

Many people are overflowing with excitement when they find out they’re pregnant. But perhaps after the initial craziness fades, or maybe after you’ve already given birth, the realization sets in: Oh crap, I have to be a parent!

I’m here to tell you: It’s not a riddle!

With everything in my life, I do my best to keep things simple. Oi. Otherwise, my mind can’t keep up! I hate second-guessing myself and have tried to develop and trust my gut instincts. The same is true in parenting.

There’s no need to discover complicated parenting theories. All you need is your heart and confident knowledge of your kids. The one parenting expert I could listen to and read again and again (because she’s so simple!) is Amy McCready.

The core of her literature (and really, all you need to know) is the two things kids need from you emotionally: Attention and Autonomy! I love this thought. I keep those two simple tidbits in my mind and even when I have a little baby, if each of my older kids get some of my undivided attention and feel a sense of significance and charge over their own lives, I count that as a win.

Attention: Spending intentional time with your kids directly and without distraction. Day in and day out, attention looks like:

Reading books together
Getting on the floor to play when baby is happy or sleeping (extra point if you tap into the autonomy piece and let them choose what you play!)
Tea time
Simple quality time – unscripted and without agenda
Taking your child out for one-on-one time – to a coffee shop, the library, or the park. In our family, we called these “dates.” All day long, I get to hear: “Mom, I want to take you on a date!”

Autonomy: Giving your kids control and choices. Despite their size, they are humans and need that, too. You can let them choose:

Their day clothes
Their own snack
Which book you read together
How to perform their morning routine
How to complete a task you give them

It’s as simple as that! I’ve found that kids really just want to be a part of our lives. They want to be included in what we as a family unit have going on. Those two pieces – attention & autonomy – are all they need to feel loved, connected, and significant.

How does Marabou support women?

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

August 16, 2018February 4, 2019

How to Minimize the Chance of Postpartum Depression

Ok. This title is misleading. Postpartum Depression and Anxiety are often not something you can prevent. It is certainly not something you do to yourself or your baby.

(Please: read that again!)

Postpartum Depression (PPD) is a ghost. It’s a faint glimmer of something that is difficult to detect in the moment. And: Postpartum Depression is NOT a rite of passage. It’s not something we have to simply endure.

In my (albeit brief) research on maternal mental health, I kept ending up again and again on the screening process for perinatal mood disorders and its shortcomings. How:

Medical providers don’t see their patients until 6 weeks postpartum (is she supposed to suffer an unknown mental illness until then?).
Many providers admit they lack training for this specific issue and don’t feel qualified to screen or treat maternal mental health disorders.
They often don’t have the time and resources to screen women for PPD at all, and:
If someone does test positive, what then? This can often stump a provider who may not see this mother again, at least not until her next pregnancy.

If there’s no protocol set up to address these illnesses, it can be a scramble of what to do for a woman within her 15-minute appointment. In the end, time runs out.

I’ve taken the Edinburgh Postpartum Depression Scale more times than I can remember and had thorough follow up through my care with Navy Medicine. But – overall – I’m still left with the question: Why is it solely up to providers (who see their patients rarely) to detect something so important in an already-rushed appointment? Why is it about screening and numbers more than about community and relating?

I’ve thought about PPD a lot recently because of our business. I often throw my hands up and think: If only women weren’t so isolated! The fact that we’re a first world country with a high standard of living, it’s surprising how much PPD occurs here. I’m convinced much of it is a result of our suburban sprawl, lack of paternity leave, and the loss of America’s lying-in period.

If we really want to tackle the issue of maternal mental health, we need to stop thinking that our primary care doctor is going to solve all our problems single-handedly. We have to recognize what women need: community and rest.

The first element we ought to embrace is surrounding ourselves with community.

Women need women. Being surrounded by other women – whom you have authentic relationship with – is the first defense against postpartum struggle. There are many reasons this has a significant impact. Having another woman around provides a healthy outlet through the major transition of giving birth to a child. The doubts, fears, confusions, frustrations that are normal, exacerbated by the ebb and flow of hormones, should not be dealt with in isolation. We are social beings and we need others to ground us in reality.

A community of women can also ensure someone who knows you will notice when something isn’t right. Doctors are limited by the ability to expose and assess the information provided to them. If a woman is in denial about her feelings, she may not open up entirely in a short appointment. In my mind, it sounds more reasonable for a woman to approach her provider already knowing something is off and ready to ask for help. Screening and doctors have their place. But primarily? Hopefully not. Currently, our country doesn’t have policy for this and providers have to think on their toes for the most part. They’re not to blame for this lack of structure, but the lack of official policy is another reason we need to be there to support our fellow women.

The second element to healthy maternal mental health is rest.

A woman exerts her body to literal physical limits during labor and loses about 12 pounds of baby, fluid, and after-birth in a single moment. This requires a recovery process. A marathon runner takes up to three weeks to recover from the exertions of a race and after most routine surgeries three to ten weeks for recovery is the norm. What does a new mother get?

Add broken sleep (read: full-on sleep deprivation) and caring for a tender newborn to the mix and rest is a must.

It’s astounding the daily demands of a newborn mother. Without support, a mother must care for herself, her newborn, and her home. Think about all of that. This image doesn’t even include older children or work obligations. Lack of rest and sleep deprivation have huge implications for mental wellbeing. Lose sleep on a continual basis, and your mental faculties will quickly follow.

So, there it is: community & rest.

Community is not easy to find, mostly because it’s not easy to be a part of. It takes work, effort, and heavy doses of intention. But this day in age, we are nowhere without others caring for us and us caring for them. Postpartum Depression and other difficulties women face through the postpartum period are not meant to be dealt with in isolation. Throughout the world, various cultures have developed traditional customs to ensure that no one is neglected: Zuo Yuezi, la cuarentena, Kraamzorgs, etc. People, our tribe, the ones who know us, the ones we live life with, are meant to share our burden; and one day, we can share their burdens, too.

How does Marabou support women?

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

August 2, 2018February 4, 2019

Our Favorite Breastfeeding Resources

This week is World Breastfeeding Week! We love breastfeeding – for obvious reason. We’ve been able to nurse all three of our children, the youngest of whom still nurses at 16 months old. The overlap between pregnancy and breastfeeding has meant that I’ve been either pregnant, nursing, or both for the last 5 ½ years! Still, I can’t get enough.

To honor this week and for the sake of breastfeeding success, we’d like to share our favorite breastfeeding resources:

1. Your Gut!

I listen to my gut far more than I do any other breastfeeding resource. You will know if your latch isn’t right – you’ll feel it! You will know if you’re coming down with breastfeeding-related illness and need to take it easy. You will know if your baby isn’t getting enough milk or even if you have an oversupply situation. You may need affirmation from a professional in some of these situations but be sure to listen to yourself first.

2. La Leche League International

These ladies know all things breastfeeding, and they know how to support mothers. From Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultants (IBCLC), who have extensive training in lactation, to mother groups, you can find the level of support you’re looking for, even if all you want is to meet more nursing mothers. You can find resources in your area by visiting their website.

I also love one of their publications:

3. The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding

This reference-style book is great. It has everything you need and is wonderful for troubleshooting questions and concerns early on. I read this book during my first pregnancy (turns out it also prepared me for birth!) and it prepared me for small breastfeeding woes. During a bout with Mastitis, I would remember: “Empty breast and lots of rest” and be sure to get extra rest and nursing to help myself recover. These small anecdotes helped me stay on track.

4. Bravado Nursing Bra

When it comes to nursing bras, comfort is everything! I’ve given up the idea that I can be comfortable in an underwire as a nursing mother. These bras are simplistic and comfortable, and actually, the price has improved since my last purchase. Hooray!

5. Motherhood Maternity

I bought a nursing bra from Motherhood Maternity on a whim, and actually really like it. I use it to this day, and in my mind, it’s comparable to my Bravado.

6. Medela Nursing Pads

There are so many fancy reusable nursing pads out there, but I love the simple ones. I’m small chested and find that many nursing pads dominate my chest and are bulky, but these ones are comfortable and wash up nicely. I’ve used the same ones through all 3 of my postpartum phases now, and they’re still going strong!

7. Boppy Nursing Pillow

This pillow is popular for good reason. When your baby is a newborn, you are holding him or her constantly. Since their little bodies don’t reach our laps, nursing pillows are helpful! I was surprised with my first baby how sore my upper body and neck got from holding my son and looking down at him on the breast. My Boppy also helps when I join everyone at the dinner table. I can rest baby on the pillow to nurse and use my free hand to eat with ease.

8. Undercover Mama

I find that many nursing tanks are bulky. Suddenly you have layers upon layers of fabric, two clasps, and two straps gathered near your underarm. Too bulky, I say! These nursing tanks are simple and minimal. They have no straps, but instead are a sort-of glorified tank top with hooks that attach right to your nursing bra! Especially when nursing in public, you then don’t have to worry about exposing your mid-section. They come in all sorts of colors, patterns, and even lace.

9. Medela In-Style Advanced Electric Breast Pump

This is commonly known as the Crème de la Crème of breast pumps. Especially if you’re a working mom who will be pumping every day, this is a worthwhile investment. When I was pregnant with my 3^rd child, I decided to upgrade to this pump because my insurance covered it, along with all its accessories! It’s most definitely worth looking into. I also prefer storage bags versus bottles – they’re easier to store and more space efficient.

10. Patience: Try, Try, Trying Again!

I find that I need this tool with every baby! Each time a new little one comes along, I have to retrain myself on nursing a newborn and baby has to learn to latch and eat for the first time! Yes, this is a “natural” thing, but surprisingly not easy. I found with my first, that trying over and over again until we got a comfortable latch did us a lot of good. Soon enough, my son would latch and it would be perfect the first time! Taking five minutes to unlatch and retry while your baby nurses can be tedious. But trust me, it helps in the long run and keeps you from getting sore, dry, or cracked. Don’t settle for anything less than the perfect latch!

I’ll end with an encouragement for new mothers: If breastfeeding is your choice, protect it as much as you can. You may find that others question you. Friends or family members may be concerned that you’ll be giving too much of yourself by breastfeeding, or that you aren’t giving your partner a chance to bond with baby (which is untrue, by the way). Doctors may give you a concerned look and wonder whether you might try supplementing. But, this is your situation. You own this. For yourself and for your baby. If you know that breastfeeding is best for your baby, if you know that it’s best for your family and that your baby is healthy (no number from a scale given to you will tell you this; look at your baby and you’ll know), then that’s the end of the discussion.

When I brought my daughter (our 3^rd) to her 2-week well-baby appointment, our pediatrician questioned whether my latch and supply were sufficient. My daughter was small – still 4^th-5^th percentile like she’d been the entire pregnancy and at birth. But I looked at her. I saw how engaged and healthy she was. I understood that she was always with me, nursing virtually all day, and was growing. I never went back to that pediatrician.

If someone professional is questioning you against your own truth, there’s no harm in getting a 2^nd (or 3^rd, or 4^th) opinion. Breastfeeding is the perfect arena for learning how to listen to your gut and stand up for what you know is right for you and your baby. You got this, mama. Make the world fall apart before you give up what you know to be best for you and yours.

How does Marabou support women?

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

July 20, 2018February 2, 2019

Cheer Here #3: Your Mistakes Aren’t The Whole Story

Sometimes, it feels as if motherhood is about my effort to minimize mistakes. I try to mess up as little as possible.

How joyful!

But really, there are days I feel like I make mistake after mistake. I yell at my kids. I ignore them too much. I’m distracted. I just plain old don’t treat them very well. I’m disconnected and I don’t provide the things I know they need. It’s a horrible feeling to end a day knowing it was like that. I feel so bad for my kids. I vow to do better tomorrow. And I beat myself up quite a bit.

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