Cheer Here #9: Just in the Nick of Time

August 2, 2019August 2, 2019

Cheer Here #9: Just in the Nick of Time

It was a simple March day. I had driven my three kids 40 minutes to drop off a meal for a friend who had a newborn and was moving. We decided to capitalize on our trip by going to a local indoor kids’ park. This place was awesome. It was this whole play structure of tubes and slides and ropes and things on which to frolic. We could easily have spent hours there. My two sons, ages 5 and 3, disappeared smoothly into it, and I realized my daughter, almost 2 at the time, needed a diaper change. So, into the bathroom we went.

When I finished my daughter’s diaper change, her spirited little self was eager to go off and play. The only problem: I was 20 weeks pregnant (read: NOT able to navigate this park myself) and she was too little to go by herself with all the big kids around. Ugh. Certainly, this was going to put a premature end to an otherwise enjoyable afternoon. Before I could troubleshoot, or expend my energies on appeasing my youngest who would not understand the artificial restrictions I was putting on her, my 5-year-old came out of nowhere to save the day without so much as a request.

“Ruthie, let’s go!”

After confirming he would stay with her the whole time, off they went. I watched her brother carefully keep older kids from accidentally hurting her and leading her boldly around this exciting new realm, spending his freedom in the care and comfort of his sister. I sat down and let the feeling of relief wash over me.

There are times when it seems like things fall apart, chaos foments, and we completely lose our minds. But more often than I would expect, the above happens to me. In small ways, I get exactly what I need just in the nick of time. I don’t know what you believe, but it’s as if God Himself reaches down and removes the obstacles of motherhood, just for a moment, to let me catch up.

Most of the things that work out are out are luck. Stars align. Impossible timing works out. It’s not magic, and the grind is still there. But, God has a special place in his heart for us mamas who struggle so much. He sees us carrying on in the trenches and calms the field of battle, making us strong again in moments of crushing weakness.

Remember mama, and believe, you’ll get what you need when you need it. Things work out, even when it feels like the world is crashing down. God is good and he’ll be there for you at your strongest and at your weakest.

How does Marabou support women?

We live in culture where “bouncing back” is more valued than proper rest. As admirable as it may be for a sports star to get back on the field, the same rules don’t apply to postpartum recovery. The traditional resting period has been stolen from women through pressure to get back to their job or simply through lack of presence.

Grandmas, sisters and best friends who otherwise would have been there to help a woman transition into motherhood often live too far away to be of any help. Household chores and caring for older children inevitably fall on the mom. But she just delivered a new life! She needs rest.

Marabou Services is a unique gift registry which provides services instead of stuff. Most mom’s get too many onesies, too many baby blankets and not enough helping hands. Break out of a destructive cultural norm and start a Marabou registry today.

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

May 2, 2019May 2, 2019

YOU. You’re the Woman for this Job.

Mental vibes affect me immensely, so I often have to put up short mantras for myself. There is so much to do every day just as a mom; throw work on top of that and I about lose my mind on a daily basis! It’s easy to feel like an unfinished to-do list is a failure. Often, I need a little encouragement.

The latest boost on my wall is: “You’re the woman for this job.”

It reminds me that – for whatever reason – I’m the one doing this, here and now. I’m the one that’s here. My family is mine and mine alone. My business is not anyone else’s and even though I often feel unfit, I’m the one. This mantra is empowering. There are days it keeps my going despite crippling self-doubt.

I find myself disappointed by the way we judge each other. Facebook is a common deluge of critical thoughts or exclusive mentalities, encouraging us that there’s only one way to do things and raise kids. The reality is: we each have a unique family and a unique circumstance. As unique women, we are the only ones qualified to make the decisions that affect our people and our lives.

And you know, we should own it. Because we’re powerful enough for that role.

We are not perfect mothers. But it does no good to compare ourselves to each other when one is an apple and the other is an orange. You are the right fit for your family, and I’m the right fit for mine. You’re the right woman for the job of raising your kids. It’ll look different from the family next door or the perfect mom at the PTA meetings. That’s a good thing. The fact that we’re different ought to empower and uplift us – you’re irreplaceable! (Maybe that’s my next mantra)

If you’re reading this, focus on that today: you’re the woman for this job. You’re the right one, simply because you’re you. Own it, give yourself grace when you mess up (pfft, inevitable for all of us), and know that you’re the only one suited to be their mother.

How does Marabou support women?

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

March 8, 2019March 8, 2019

Cheer Here: The Pains of Motherhood

Young motherhood, with its challenges and difficulties, finds a lot of good company. On Pinterest, Facebook, and mom blogs, you can find plenty of people to commiserate with and advice to guide you (or frustrate you, perhaps). This all goes to show that motherhood can be painful. We don’t get a lot of sleep, we’re at someone’s beck and call 24/7, and we don’t even get paid for it! 😉 The thing I’d like to propose about motherhood and its inherent challenges, though, is that perhaps the pain of it all doesn’t necessarily need fixing.

This pain has its place, I believe. The daily challenges that are so hard teaches us things that are valuable. Pain has a way of being a teacher. I hate feeling the pain of daily motherhood, but I sure love what it has done to me.

Motherhood is a crucible; it refines you through fire.

I have a friend who told me her story once. It was an incredible story of a mother overcoming impossible circumstances. She had six children and was pregnant when she left her abusive husband. She was essentially homeless and depending on the goodwill of others while still growing her family and attempting to support it. I’m fairly certain living her life would have broken me. Luckily, things are better for her now.

Before I even knew this woman, or heard her story, I remember seeing her across a room and just thinking “Wow, there’s something about her.” She had that special look in her eye, and carried herself with dignity (and a little sass). I remember wanting to get to know her and being drawn to her inner magnetic strength.

The crucible of her journey through motherhood (and life) is what refined her. The pain that we so often seek to avoid and self-pity we feel for ourselves when going through trials is often the tool we need to embrace to build a better and stronger character.

No matter how many mom hacks, pro tips, or gadgets we embrace to assist our mothering choices, there is always going to be a day-in-day-out drudgery you can’t avoid. Someday, you’ll look back and realize that you did it. You got through it. That’s the crucible. That’s what burns away all the things you don’t need: self-doubt, excessive worry, self-centeredness, despair. And when you get through a crucible, you’re left with the very core of yourself, and that’s honestly all you need in the end – YOU, unhindered.

How does Marabou support women?

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

January 19, 2019January 23, 2019

Cheer Here: Take What You Can Get

Somewhere along the way, I stopped expecting *me* time. When you’re a young mother, everyone emphasizes its importance to you. That you need to find time for yourself – everyday! – in order to stay balanced, to be the best mom you can be. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE an uninterrupted hour on a daily basis. I’m an introvert; it’s how I recharge. I was able to get me time when I had one kid who napped. But after #2 came along, me time became elusive! And since I had grown to expect it, I was bitter when I didn’t have it for a week straight. Honestly, not having me time on a regularly basis was somewhat inevitable, but its loss was upsetting.

I prescribe to Attachment Parenting. For me, this means that – at least initially, when they are young – I’m never away from them. Even when they’re napping, they’re napping on me. When they’re sleeping, they’re sleeping with me. Heck, when they’re eating, they’re eating from me! There isn’t a lot of wiggle room to accommodate time to myself; it takes a lot of intention and assistance from another adult to get any.

Now that I have three children, me time is more out of reach than ever. So, instead of grappling for time to myself, I take what I can get and practice gratitude for whatever it is or however much it is. For me, it means ignoring thoughts on the me time I didn’t get that week, and being thankful for what I did get. This way of thinking has made me much happier. If I’m home with our kids and I sit down with the crossword (yes, I do crosswords, and next week I’ll get my AARP card) only to get interrupted with a poopy diaper, I try to think, Awesome! Five minutes of crossword fun! Instead of, Ugh! I just sat down!

It’s the small things: a square of dark chocolate savored (quickly and discreetly) in the kitchen. Coffee that’s lukewarm instead of ice cold. A bright and sunny day to enjoy. Ten minutes to crochet (again, AARP!).

There’s a bit of joy to be found in the little things, and I’ve learned in this tumultuous journey of daily motherhood (harder than any other job I’ve had!), I always get what I need right when I need it. As long as I’m looking. If I choose to be blind to the good things around me, if I’m determined to focus on the negatives, then I will be. I’ll be negative. Understanding that good things are there and that it’s worth just taking what I can get helps me weather this season of life and be full of joy instead of grumps.

How does Marabou support women?

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

September 20, 2018February 4, 2019

Cheer Here #4: You Are Responsible But Not To Blame

We are currently living in a multi-generational home. My husband and I lived the navy life for 7 years. But last year, we decided we’d spent enough time far from family – over a decade!

So, in February, he separated from active duty service and joined the Navy Reserves. Home we came and into my in-law’s house. At first, we were just waiting for a job, but with their blessing, we decided to start Marabou to provide postpartum support to moms after childbirth.

Multi-generational living is awesome. My in-laws get to see their grandkids every day and foster relationship with them. We share responsibilities: meal preparation, yard work, etc., and these previously overwhelming tasks are now balanced and easy. There are extra eyes and hands in the house. It’s easy!

But, things still get tricky here and there! And it’s made me realize something about motherhood.

Children are children. They are rambunctious and bouncy and loud and don’t naturally understand social norms. At first, it was hard for me to not assume fault for everything my kids did. I still struggle with this:

They woke someone up early on a Saturday. Ack!

They dug holes in the yard. UGH.

They make messes and now we have ants. Noooo!

My husband told me to not blame myself as long as I did my best (which made me question: was I really?). But, I still felt something – mom angst! – every time there was an incident involving my kids. I finally realized what it was:

Responsibility.

The captain of a ship is ultimately responsible for his ship. Out at sea, if there’s an incident that happens, the captain is the one who takes the heat, whether he was there or not. This scandalized me at first. I remember hearing of one such case where a captain was fired and he wasn’t even awake during the incident! I said to my husband: But, he wasn’t even there.

Being a captain is a terrible honor, but I realized it’s the same thing with motherhood: we are responsible for our children, but we cannot be blamed for everything they do. It’s impossible to watch and preempt their every move. Nor is it good for them (or us!). We can only do our best, train them wisely, and prepare to take responsibility when it’s due.

This sounds intense and scary. But it’s also freeing. It allows us moms to stop blaming ourselves (finally!) for what our kids do. It’s not your fault! Kids are still learning about life and they are going to make mistakes. You are allowed to stop feeling guilty for those mistakes. Sure, the buck falls to you. But, I’m here to tell you you’re a good mother regardless of the liability your children drag you into. You haven’t done anything wrong. Do your best and forget the rest.

You are the captain of this ship, mama. Yes, you are responsible. And yes, you do need to fight the continuous battle of training your children to be good humans. But, let yourself be free of guilt for things you have little control over. Still: you are rocking it.

How does Marabou support women?

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.