Bravo To You Working Parents

Today is National Working Parents’ Day! It is a day to honor parents who work to provide for their families. I have been lucky enough to stay home with my kids since I became a mother, but as I prepared for this post, the challenges of working parents were so evident.

At first, I imagined doing a post on the current legislation supporting working parents, especially new parents. Maternity and paternity leave came to mind. I didn’t want to compare our parental leave mandates in the U.S. to other nations. To me, that’s like comparing my family to yours – we are us and you are you. We all have different needs and ways to thriving. But, I was interested in the research done on what’s the ideal length of parental leave in terms of mother and baby health. What’s the sweet spot for optimal family happiness and health? I bet you in the end, this sweet spot is good for business, too!

It seems the answer is 6-12 months! At this point, moms and babies are ready. Mothers who have this length of leave or close to it experience less Postpartum Depression and Anxiety, improved emotional health, higher breastfeeding success, and relational stability with their partners. Babies have reduced rates of SIDS and increased chance of well-baby care with a pediatrician. Without the early distraction of work, parents also report being able to exercise high sensitivity and responsiveness to their infants (see here and here). These benefits extend for decades. And it all seems pretty intuitive, right?

It’s too bad, then, that the current federal mandate is 6 weeks of unpaid leave. The general thought seems to be that improving this issue would be good for businesses, too. Paid leaves that are too long or too short discourage women from returning to work. When companies provide sufficient time off, they boost employee morale and retention and positively impact business productivity. “This is really what economists call a human capital investment. You invest in this, you will end up picking up the benefits of this policy even years later,” says Mauricio Avendano, associate professor of social science, health, and medicine at King’s College, London.

It’s clear that reaching the sweet spot of parental leave duration is an unfortunate rarity for us. Let’s hope this will improve and in the meantime: Kudos, serious kudos, to you working parents! The burdens you bear are immense. The fact that you do the impossible on a daily basis for the good of your family is incredible. There’s a reason you have a national day all your own.

How does Marabou support women?

We live in culture where “bouncing back” is more valued than proper rest. As admirable as it may be for a sports star to get back on the field, the same rules don’t apply to postpartum recovery. The traditional resting period has been stolen from women through pressure to get back to their job or simply through lack of presence.

Grandmas, sisters and best friends who otherwise would have been there to help a woman transition into motherhood often live too far away to be of any help. Household chores and caring for older children inevitably fall on the mom. But she just delivered a new life! She needs rest. 

Marabou Services is a unique gift registry which provides services instead of stuff. Most mom’s get too many onesies, too many baby blankets and not enough helping hands. Break out of a destructive cultural norm and start a Marabou registry today.

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

Attention & Autonomy: What Your Older Kids Need

Many people are overflowing with excitement when they find out they’re pregnant. But perhaps after the initial craziness fades, or maybe after you’ve already given birth, the realization sets in: Oh crap, I have to be a parent!

I’m here to tell you: It’s not a riddle!

With everything in my life, I do my best to keep things simple. Oi. Otherwise, my mind can’t keep up! I hate second-guessing myself and have tried to develop and trust my gut instincts. The same is true in parenting.

There’s no need to discover complicated parenting theories. All you need is your heart and confident knowledge of your kids. The one parenting expert I could listen to and read again and again (because she’s so simple!) is Amy McCready.

The core of her literature (and really, all you need to know) is the two things kids need from you emotionally: Attention and Autonomy! I love this thought. I keep those two simple tidbits in my mind and even when I have a little baby, if each of my older kids get some of my undivided attention and feel a sense of significance and charge over their own lives, I count that as a win.

Attention: Spending intentional time with your kids directly and without distraction. Day in and day out, attention looks like:

  • Reading books together
  • Getting on the floor to play when baby is happy or sleeping (extra point if you tap into the autonomy piece and let them choose what you play!)
  • Tea time
  • Simple quality time – unscripted and without agenda
  • Taking your child out for one-on-one time – to a coffee shop, the library, or the park. In our family, we called these “dates.” All day long, I get to hear: “Mom, I want to take you on a date!”

Autonomy: Giving your kids control and choices. Despite their size, they are humans and need that, too. You can let them choose:

  • Their day clothes
  • Their own snack
  • Which book you read together
  • How to perform their morning routine
  • How to complete a task you give them

It’s as simple as that! I’ve found that kids really just want to be a part of our lives. They want to be included in what we as a family unit have going on. Those two pieces – attention & autonomy – are all they need to feel loved, connected, and significant.

How does Marabou support women?

We live in culture where “bouncing back” is more valued than proper rest. As admirable as it may be for a sports star to get back on the field, the same rules don’t apply to postpartum recovery. The traditional resting period has been stolen from women through pressure to get back to their job or simply through lack of presence.

Grandmas, sisters and best friends who otherwise would have been there to help a woman transition into motherhood often live too far away to be of any help. Household chores and caring for older children inevitably fall on the mom. But she just delivered a new life! She needs rest. 

Marabou Services is a unique gift registry which provides services instead of stuff. Most mom’s get too many onesies, too many baby blankets and not enough helping hands. Break out of a destructive cultural norm and start a Marabou registry today.

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

A Zone Defense Approach to House Cleaning

Parents, I give you: Lament of a Clean House

Woe to you Mother, or Father,

Who attempts a clean house to make.

Dirt and grime and things much worse

You can’t live with this headache!

Valiant though your efforts be,

You just gave birth, which gives you three!

And three is three too many for me.

If you don’t sleep, you’ll go crazy!

If you have the motivation to clean,

Your uphill  fight is bold.

You strap the baby onto your chest

And continue to scrub the mold.

And in the rising tidal wave

Of crumbs and sand and goo,

You hesitate and then you say

“Can you leave them for just a few?”

But it’s too late: you already started

The table, floor, and counter tops.

Till finally clean! Ex-germinated!

Your mind’s at peace, the kids are quiet,

You reverently begin to mop.

Uh oh … the kids are quiet?

How long has that silence lasted?

 

Many mothers and fathers would agree that maintaining a clean house is one of the biggest challenges postpartum.

We all try really hard to maintain our homes, to keep them at some level of cleanliness. But, we’ve also all had those moments. Perhaps we have them daily. Moments you rue having utter focus. You’re scrubbing the bathtub. You’re making headway on a dinner you know will rock. You finally tackle that mountain of crusty dishes and your counter is so clean! You have a small celebration of one and you revel in your victory until your face falls suddenly and you realize: your house is quiet.

For anyone else, quiet is good. Quiet is peaceful. Quiet is … nice. But you, dear mother, have small children! One who love to discover. Award-winning mess makers. Fiends who wreak havoc in 32 seconds. Messes that take you 32 minutes to undo!

For you, silence is suspicious and can mean your children are asleep somewhere (hopefully but unlikely) or are about to negate any victory you’ve accomplished elsewhere in the house.

You brace yourself every time. Because in the past, you’ve discovered blue paint on your two sons head to toe (and handprints on your duvet). You’ve discovered cocoa powder covering half your kitchen (and on your two sons head to toe). You’ve discovered your cat’s new haircut.

Now, taking your hawk-like eyeballs off of your minions is inevitable: putting your baby down for nap, unpacking the car, prepping dinner. But I think we would all agree that minimizing their … opportunities, we’ll say … for creating havoc, is advised. I’m all about free play. But I’m also for walls free from fingerprints and pet safety.

This is why my cleaning mindset has become about zone defense. I clean, tidy, do whatever I have to do in the same zone of the house my kids are in. Luckily, this doesn’t mean I have to be on top of them, just close enough to know they’re not on unwanted adventures.

This means:

  • Doing the dishes and meal prep while they have snack.
  • Scrubbing the toilet or cleaning the vanity while they splash in the tub during bath time.
  • Folding laundry while they’re exploring my room and jumping on the bed.
  • Dusting and vacuuming while they’re in the living room or playroom.

Surprisingly, I rarely feel my cleaning is inefficient or gets interrupted. I get interrupted – a lot! – of course, but it’s a huge relief to know I’m nipping many unwanted mishaps and messes in the bud simply with my presence. This has also become such an opportunity. My kids see me exercising industry and want to be included! It lends itself well to kids helping out when they are old enough and ready. Why yes, 4-and-a-half-year-old! You may vacuum the play room!

Efficient, indeed. 😊

How does Marabou support women?

We live in culture where “bouncing back” is more valued than proper rest. As admirable as it may be for a sports star to get back on the field, the same rules don’t apply to postpartum recovery. The traditional resting period has been stolen from women through pressure to get back to their job or simply through lack of presence.

Grandmas, sisters and best friends who otherwise would have been there to help a woman transition into motherhood often live too far away to be of any help. Household chores and caring for older children inevitably fall on the mom. But she just delivered a new life! She needs rest. 

Marabou Services is a unique gift registry which provides services instead of stuff. Most mom’s get too many onesies, too many baby blankets and not enough helping hands. Break out of a destructive cultural norm and start a Marabou registry today.

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

Healing Nutrients for Postpartum Recovery

I am by no means a nutritionist or health professional. But, health is an important part of my life and I wish nutrition were higher on our list of priorities in caring for postpartum women. A full-bodied diet is key in assisting our bodies during recovery from trauma or stress. Postpartum nutrition is no different.

At first, I expected to highlight a few important nutritional tidbits I know are crucial (iron and protein are clearly at the top of the list). But I found the deeper I got, the less I could exclude! The key to postpartum nutrition is including all the good stuff you can get and – if you want to put more thought into it – focusing on superfoods so you can get more bang for your buck.

If you have no idea where to start for the elusive “balanced diet,” I recommend In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan. His book breaks down our dietary needs in the very simple mantra “Eat real food.” But, I’ll spare you my diatribe on our over-processed food culture.

A wholesome diet is important for all of us, but especially postpartum moms. Our bodies are working to heal tissue, replace blood that was lost during childbirth, and establish lactation. There’s no question that it takes good rest and proper nutrition to heal your body. Lack in either area determines the length and tone of your post-birth phase.

What has drawn me to the whole foods ideology is: you don’t have to count calories or pinpoint nutrients! I would rather spend my time and mental energy actually cooking healthy, wholesome food. Just eat wonderful, nutrient-rich, whole foods and you’ll be well within the criteria for a balanced diet.

I brought up some of the basic nutrients before, like iron and protein. If eating well is part of your life already, you will have plenty of both in your diet, but adding extra is prudent. Iron is there to restore lost blood and protein rebuilds, heals, and balances hormones. Also, don’t shy away from fatty acids, which support the production of breast milk.

So, while my general advice is to eat well and eat a variety, here are some healing foods to focus on:

  1. Bone Broth

Broths and stocks boost vitality and restore blood and adrenal function. They’re full of electrolytes, which are especially important if you’re breastfeeding. They also help hydrate the digestive system and encourage elimination (in other words: bowel movements!). Those of us who have experienced the postpartum phase know how important that is!

While you can warm and drink bone broth by itself, consuming plenty of homemade stews and soups postpartum will help you get all the benefits of bone broth. Here’s my favorite crockpot bone broth recipe from The Pioneer Woman. Use it cook rice, replace it for the base in your favorite soup or use it for an extra savory whole grain porridge.

  1. Sesame Oil

This oil and others like it are supportive healing foods. The sesame seed is nutrient-dense and is often used in alternative medicine. It’s easy to use whenever you are frying up vegetables or you can rub a tablespoon of sesame oil on top of a salmon fillet and let it bake at 300 degrees for 30 minutes for a nice slow roasted salmon dish (which is also a superfood!).

  1. Mushrooms

Mushrooms are immune-boosting and nutrient-rich: namely B vitamins, phosphorus, zinc, and potassium. I hate mushrooms, but it’s undeniable what they can do for you. My husband has gotten good at cutting them up really small and throwing them in with a vegetable hash or egg bake in the mornings.

  1. Chili or Cayenne Powder

These warming spices boost circulation to help you heal and provide heat so you don’t develop a chill. They also regulate blood sugar and boost metabolism. Add either of these spices in moderation to a stir fry, tacos, or soup.

  1. Black Vinegar

Black vinegar also enhances blood circulation and helps with indigestion and constipation. It includes amino acids for bodily repair and tissue growth. What is black vinegar? It’s vinegar that is produced differently than our common distilled white, so whenever you’re using vinegar in the kitchen you can replace it with this nutrient-dense alternative. It’s close to a balsamic in fruitiness. Salad dressings, marinades, or making your own sauces at home that require vinegar? Use some black vinegar instead!

In addition to these great superfoods, make sure to focus on eating foods that are anti-inflammatory (omega-3s, cruciferous vegetables, lemons, berries, cherries, pineapple, turmeric, ginger, root vegetables, whole grains). These types of foods have been shown to calm the body, promote healing, and can even prevent Postpartum Depression. Eat warm foods that are easy to digest, and as always, remember to hydrate!

*Information adapted from The First 40 Days: The Essential Art of Nourishing the New Mother by Heng Ou and helloglow.com

How does Marabou support women?

We live in culture where “bouncing back” is more valued than proper rest. As admirable as it may be for a sports star to get back on the field, the same rules don’t apply to postpartum recovery. The traditional resting period has been stolen from women through pressure to get back to their job or simply through lack of presence.

Grandmas, sisters and best friends who otherwise would have been there to help a woman transition into motherhood often live too far away to be of any help. Household chores and caring for older children inevitably fall on the mom. But she just delivered a new life! She needs rest. 

Marabou Services is a unique gift registry which provides services instead of stuff. Most mom’s get too many onesies, too many baby blankets and not enough helping hands. Break out of a destructive cultural norm and start a Marabou registry today.

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

How to Minimize the Chance of Postpartum Depression

Ok. This title is misleading. Postpartum Depression and Anxiety are often not something you can prevent. It is certainly not something you do to yourself or your baby.

(Please: read that again!)

Postpartum Depression (PPD) is a ghost. It’s a faint glimmer of something that is difficult to detect in the moment. And: Postpartum Depression is NOT a rite of passage. It’s not something we have to simply endure.

In my (albeit brief) research on maternal mental health, I kept ending up again and again on the screening process for perinatal mood disorders and its shortcomings. How:

  • Medical providers don’t see their patients until 6 weeks postpartum (is she supposed to suffer an unknown mental illness until then?).
  • Many providers admit they lack training for this specific issue and don’t feel qualified to screen or treat maternal mental health disorders.
  • They often don’t have the time and resources to screen women for PPD at all, and:
  • If someone does test positive, what then? This can often stump a provider who may not see this mother again, at least not until her next pregnancy.

If there’s no protocol set up to address these illnesses, it can be a scramble of what to do for a woman within her 15-minute appointment. In the end, time runs out.

I’ve taken the Edinburgh Postpartum Depression Scale more times than I can remember and had thorough follow up through my care with Navy Medicine. But – overall – I’m still left with the question: Why is it solely up to providers (who see their patients rarely) to detect something so important in an already-rushed appointment? Why is it about screening and numbers more than about community and relating?

I’ve thought about PPD a lot recently because of our business. I often throw my hands up and think: If only women weren’t so isolated! The fact that we’re a first world country with a high standard of living, it’s surprising how much PPD occurs here. I’m convinced much of it is a result of our suburban sprawl, lack of paternity leave, and the loss of America’s lying-in period.

If we really want to tackle the issue of maternal mental health, we need to stop thinking that our primary care doctor is going to solve all our problems single-handedly. We have to recognize what women need: community and rest.

The first element we ought to embrace is surrounding ourselves with community.

Women need women. Being surrounded by other women – whom you have authentic relationship with – is the first defense against postpartum struggle. There are many reasons this has a significant impact. Having another woman around provides a healthy outlet through the major transition of giving birth to a child. The doubts, fears, confusions, frustrations that are normal, exacerbated by the ebb and flow of hormones, should not be dealt with in isolation. We are social beings and we need others to ground us in reality.

A community of women can also ensure someone who knows you will notice when something isn’t right. Doctors are limited by the ability to expose and assess the information provided to them. If a woman is in denial about her feelings, she may not open up entirely in a short appointment. In my mind, it sounds more reasonable for a woman to approach her provider already knowing something is off and ready to ask for help. Screening and doctors have their place. But primarily? Hopefully not. Currently, our country doesn’t have policy for this and providers have to think on their toes for the most part. They’re not to blame for this lack of structure, but the lack of official policy is another reason we need to be there to support our fellow women.

The second element to healthy maternal mental health is rest.

A woman exerts her body to literal physical limits during labor and loses about 12 pounds of baby, fluid, and after-birth in a single moment. This requires a recovery process. A marathon runner takes up to three weeks to recover from the exertions of a race and after most routine surgeries three to ten weeks for recovery is the norm. What does a new mother get?

Add broken sleep (read: full-on sleep deprivation) and caring for a tender newborn to the mix and rest is a must.

It’s astounding the daily demands of a newborn mother. Without support, a mother must care for herself, her newborn, and her home. Think about all of that. This image doesn’t even include older children or work obligations. Lack of rest and sleep deprivation have huge implications for mental wellbeing. Lose sleep on a continual basis, and your mental faculties will quickly follow.

So, there it is: community & rest.

Community is not easy to find, mostly because it’s not easy to be a part of. It takes work, effort, and heavy doses of intention. But this day in age, we are nowhere without others caring for us and us caring for them. Postpartum Depression and other difficulties women face through the postpartum period are not meant to be dealt with in isolation. Throughout the world, various cultures have developed traditional customs to ensure that no one is neglected: Zuo Yuezi, la cuarentena, Kraamzorgs, etc.  People, our tribe, the ones who know us, the ones we live life with, are meant to share our burden; and one day, we can share their burdens, too.

How does Marabou support women?

We live in culture where “bouncing back” is more valued than proper rest. As admirable as it may be for a sports star to get back on the field, the same rules don’t apply to postpartum recovery. The traditional resting period has been stolen from women through pressure to get back to their job or simply through lack of presence.

Grandmas, sisters and best friends who otherwise would have been there to help a woman transition into motherhood often live too far away to be of any help. Household chores and caring for older children inevitably fall on the mom. But she just delivered a new life! She needs rest. 

Marabou Services is a unique gift registry which provides services instead of stuff. Most mom’s get too many onesies, too many baby blankets and not enough helping hands. Break out of a destructive cultural norm and start a Marabou registry today.

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.