Cheer Here: The Pains of Motherhood

Young motherhood, with its challenges and difficulties, finds a lot of good company. On Pinterest, Facebook, and mom blogs, you can find plenty of people to commiserate with and advice to guide you (or frustrate you, perhaps). This all goes to show that motherhood can be painful. We don’t get a lot of sleep, we’re at someone’s beck and call 24/7, and we don’t even get paid for it! 😉 The thing I’d like to propose about motherhood and its inherent challenges, though, is that perhaps the pain of it all doesn’t necessarily need fixing.

This pain has its place, I believe. The daily challenges that are so hard teaches us things that are valuable. Pain has a way of being a teacher. I hate feeling the pain of daily motherhood, but I sure love what it has done to me.

Motherhood is a crucible; it refines you through fire.

I have a friend who told me her story once. It was an incredible story of a mother overcoming impossible circumstances. She had six children and was pregnant when she left her abusive husband. She was essentially homeless and depending on the goodwill of others while still growing her family and attempting to support it. I’m fairly certain living her life would have broken me. Luckily, things are better for her now.

Before I even knew this woman, or heard her story, I remember seeing her across a room and just thinking “Wow, there’s something about her.” She had that special look in her eye, and carried herself with dignity (and a little sass). I remember wanting to get to know her and being drawn to her inner magnetic strength.

The crucible of her journey through motherhood (and life) is what refined her. The pain that we so often seek to avoid and self-pity we feel for ourselves when going through trials is often the tool we need to embrace to build a better and stronger character. 

No matter how many mom hacks, pro tips, or gadgets we embrace to assist our mothering choices, there is always going to be a day-in-day-out drudgery you can’t avoid. Someday, you’ll look back and realize that you did it. You got through it. That’s the crucible. That’s what burns away all the things you don’t need: self-doubt, excessive worry, self-centeredness, despair. And when you get through a crucible, you’re left with the very core of yourself, and that’s honestly all you need in the end – YOU, unhindered.

How does Marabou support women?

We live in culture where “bouncing back” is more valued than proper rest. As admirable as it may be for a sports star to get back on the field, the same rules don’t apply to postpartum recovery. The traditional resting period has been stolen from women through pressure to get back to their job or simply through lack of presence.

Grandmas, sisters and best friends who otherwise would have been there to help a woman transition into motherhood often live too far away to be of any help. Household chores and caring for older children inevitably fall on the mom. But she just delivered a new life! She needs rest. 

Marabou Services is a unique gift registry which provides services instead of stuff. Most mom’s get too many onesies, too many baby blankets and not enough helping hands. Break out of a destructive cultural norm and start a Marabou registry today.

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

The 8 Things Every Working Mom Needs to Hear

I met Brianna when we were matched as roommates our freshman year of college. I won’t say it was love at first sight, but a 3-hour chat at a 50’s-style diner when we first met speaks for itself. 

I asked Brie to guest write about being a working mom because she is a joy to watch in her own life. She exudes love, she is ever-engaged with her 2 daughters, and she has valuable experience in the world of working moms. Please read this amazing piece. She won’t disappoint you, even if you’re not a working mother. 

Twenty-three months ago, I walked into Step by Step Montessori with my 12-week-old daughter and walked out 25 minutes later without her.

Twenty-three months ago, I placed heaving sobs into the shoulder of my new friend Miss Michelle in the doorway of the Infant Room. (I have since done this a second time, as well, when my Baby Number Two started there.)

Twenty-three months ago, I started pump breaks in an office at work with a window that I’d tape blinds onto, with a door I wasn’t truly convinced actually locked but which no one ever tested while I was in there.

Twenty-three months ago, I re-entered the workforce as a newly-promoted Working Mom.

(Day one for Katelyn at SBS, March 2017)

Now having done this job for almost two years, here is what I would like to share about it:

1. You’re going to be looking at your phone a lot. You know those videos your husband’s coworker told him were a waste to take because they are messing up your storage and you will never, ever watch them? Yeah. You’re going to watch them. At work. Especially if you’re pumping.

2. If you’re pumping…Don’t worry if you don’t get a chance to pump a ton before you return to work. I had such high hopes of building this crazy stash before I got started at work, but I was so hands-on with my baby both times (required by both babies) that it never really worked out. If you can build up, that’s great! If not, you will still be fine. The pressure we put on ourselves is insane. Also, I started back at work both times with a great supply, which was so cool! But then it dropped. Sometimes my pump breaks were welcome distractions from my work and sometimes they are nuisances in my day, and that is just the honest truth. Here are some tips for Pumping at Work:

  • Bring extra parts! I have forgotten bottles or bags or a lunch bag in which to hide my full bottles from uncomfortable coworkers before, and some of these missing tools are easier to make do without than others. I now keep a Medela manual pump and its bottles at work at all times.
  • Invest in a pump bag if you can. I have Sarah Wells “Claire” now (see here), but I didn’t have it for my first – I highly recommend it, or something similar, for ease of travel and use. I am no longer an overwhelmed Bag Lady when I need to bring my pump anywhere with me.
  • Have entertainment. I read somewhere that you definitely are not supposed to be working when you pump, so I do not. I download movies or television shows on my phone so that I can have something to look forward to while I’m in my pump room. I have read books, as well. I used to look at pictures of the girls, but I pump anywhere from 15 minutes to 40 minutes at a go, and I either get bored or my heart aches.
  • Give yourself grace. I have had my heart hurt by a bad day, where the ounces fall so far short of where my baby’s appetite is. You are doing your very best, Mama.

3. Getting a kid ready for daycare sucks. There are spare outfits to keep for blowouts, severe spitting up, etc. There are wipes to keep stocked, and diapers, and butt cream, and mittens, and boots, and jackets, and…the food. If you are providing breastmilk, it is kind of a nightmare. I cannot be the only one who thinks this. The amount of breastmilk that gets wasted due to the rules or laws or whathaveyou…it has made me cry before. I know it’s not daycare’s fault, but it hurt when my first daughter would drink 1.5oz out of a 4oz bottle while I was making barely enough to keep her fed without supplementing (yes, I did eventually supplement and my stress levels dropped significantly). My word of advice? Once you find bottles that work for your kid, STOCK UP. My dishwasher gets run every night, at least, but I haven’t had to hand wash a bottle with my second daughter and it is such a timesaver. She drinks 3-4 6oz bottles at daycare per day.

4. If your kid goes to daycare, there will be sickness. It’s just the truth. My daughters both had a cold for about a month as soon as they started. When my toddler started in the Toddler Room at our same center, there was a Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease outbreak and we ended up keeping her home for a week. It is unavoidable. A great immune system is on its way!

5. Make sure you trust your caregiver. Before we started at the daycare center we have been at for nearly two years, we were signed up with an alternate caregiver. For various reasons, we did not end up going with that daycare, and I am endlessly grateful for that. Had we not trusted our instincts, we never would have looked around again and found our current daycare, with its long-tenured teachers and aides, who love and are loved by my girls (and me!). If I did not trust these amazing women to care for my girls, my already-long work days would be truly unbearable.

6. Be realistic. You are a badass. You are a full-time parent and a full-time employee. You know what your Number One is, though. Don’t expect to be at full throttle all the time, and expect that sometimes you will get phone calls from that number you have memorized: Daycare. There will be dumb rules to adhere to (in your opinion) regarding sickness, etc., and you will be called out of work at sometimes very inopportune times. Guess what? People get it. Your coworkers get it, your clients get it. Also! You will get sick, too. Sorry.

7. No matter what, your child will never forget who you are, or that you love him/her/them. I cannot stress this enough. My daughters are both overjoyed when I come to pick them up in the evening. My toddler races to me from across the room/playground/her friend’s embrace (d’awww). My infant giggles and stares, then squeezes me tightly to her tiny body. Never, not ever, has this been a problem for us. Honestly, right now, I don’t have a problem with dropping off either child, though sometimes my toddler wants to stay after I get there to pick her up, to help her friends clean, or splash her hand in the water fountain. I think it’s pretty cool that they love it so much.

8. You are awesome. You and your family have decided that this is the best decision for you. Whatever reasons you have for making this decision are your business and yours alone. Just know that you are equally as awesome as Stay At Home Parents, and you will be just as connected to your child/ren. Coming from a much-loved, grown-up Daycare Child, know that your child will never feel deprived because of this decision you have made.

How does Marabou support women?

We live in culture where “bouncing back” is more valued than proper rest. As admirable as it may be for a sports star to get back on the field, the same rules don’t apply to postpartum recovery. The traditional resting period has been stolen from women through pressure to get back to their job or simply through lack of presence.

Grandmas, sisters and best friends who otherwise would have been there to help a woman transition into motherhood often live too far away to be of any help. Household chores and caring for older children inevitably fall on the mom. But she just delivered a new life! She needs rest. 

Marabou Services is a unique gift registry which provides services instead of stuff. Most mom’s get too many onesies, too many baby blankets and not enough helping hands. Break out of a destructive cultural norm and start a Marabou registry today.

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

Mom Muffins!

Baking is love. And one of the things I enjoyed most during the postpartum phase was baked goods! Oh man. They’re comforting. They nourish you. And they’re easy. No preparation; just a quick pop (read: shovel) into my mouth. When I’m preparing for postpartum, trust me, there are a lot of muffins going into my freezer. 

This is why I make these whenever I plan to visit a postpartum mother. This recipe is great – no refined sugar (depending on which chocolate chips you choose), just bananas and honey. I call these Mom Muffins. But really: they’re Everyone Muffins.

Here’s how you make them!

You will need:

  • 4 bananas, mashed
  • 2 eggs
  • 2 tablespoons honey
  • 3 cups shredded zucchini
  • 1/2 cup olive oil
  • 3 cups wheat flour
  • 3 teaspoons baking soda
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • Pinch of salt
  • 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
  • 1 cup chocolate chips
Preheat your oven to 375°. Fill a muffin tin with liners and set aside.
 
Mix together bananas, eggs, honey, zucchini, and olive oil. Whisk together all the dry ingredients and add them to the zucchini mixture. Add the chocolate chips. Fill your muffin tins 2/3 full and bake 15 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.
 
That is IT! Easiest thing, right? Oh, they’re so good and I love them so much. Enjoy, y’all. And click here for the printable.

How does Marabou support women?

We live in culture where “bouncing back” is more valued than proper rest. As admirable as it may be for a sports star to get back on the field, the same rules don’t apply to postpartum recovery. The traditional resting period has been stolen from women through pressure to get back to their job or simply through lack of presence.

Grandmas, sisters and best friends who otherwise would have been there to help a woman transition into motherhood often live too far away to be of any help. Household chores and caring for older children inevitably fall on the mom. But she just delivered a new life! She needs rest. 

Marabou Services is a unique gift registry which provides services instead of stuff. Most mom’s get too many onesies, too many baby blankets and not enough helping hands. Break out of a destructive cultural norm and start a Marabou registry today.

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

Yoga is my Postpartum Jam

It’s time to start rejecting the idea that the ultimate goal after childbirth is to “get our bodies back.” Moms have come out saying they never lost their bodies, but are instead embracing their new mom bods without shame.

That’s rad.

After my first baby was born, I noticed my body was softer. It wasn’t just my belly, but up by my breasts, around my ribs. I also had some cushy love handles. This new shape supported the nourishment my body provided to my child. It felt as if I’d gone from a pregnant body to a breastfeeding body. This mindset helped me stop thinking about my body in terms of what it looks like and started thinking about what it does. Just like in pregnancy, where we expect our bodies to change to meet the demands of growing and eventually delivering a child, the postpartum body has another purpose: sustaining life. My body is astounding even in this phase and I learned to appreciate it.

Many moms are anxious to get back into working out. There are a lot of pins on Pinterest and ads on Facebook pushing the message to “lose the baby fat.” This is alright if we keep the right mindset. But, it’s plain old harmful if we lose focus on what our bodies are made to do. If you’re going into a workout routine to maintain a specific shape or – worse – to appease the demands of your partner, you may be losing balance. But if your focus is on keeping your energy up and feeling capable again (and your body has healed from labor) activity can be a wholesome, healthy choice to help your body recover.

My regimen of choice throughout postpartum is yoga. It’s worked for me, it makes me feel good, and it’s easy to ease my body into. Here are my thoughts on doing yoga in the postpartum phase.

After two weeks, use the basics of yoga to help yourself simply feel good.

Even the basic tenets of yoga (e.g., breathing deeply and intentionally) is beneficial for the postpartum body. In the phase between my 2-week mark and my 6-week appointment, I like to just sit and breathe. Deep breathing uses your abdomen to massage your organs and nurture those parts of you that are moving back into place. Deep breathing (the kind that moves your ribs outward) is especially beneficial for cesarean scarring. It massages from the inside and prevents unwanted fusions from forming between tissues. This is huge, and can allow moms to avoid health problems later on, like migraines and back pain. Hallelujah!

When I want to do some deep breathing, I’ll hand the baby off to someone else. This way, I don’t have to be on guard while trying to relax (impossible!). I’ll choose a position that I’m in the mood for (usually savasana, but sometimes it’s sukhasana. Or I’ll place an exercise ball against the wall and lean my back against it with my head resting near the top of the ball. My arms naturally fall back and this opens up my chest. So relaxing!). Then it’s as simple as it sounds: I just breathe in and out in a deep and relaxed way for a few minutes. Usually, that’s enough to loosen up my body and help me feel rejuvenated.

Before doing a physically strenuous yoga routine, get your primary care provider's concurrence at your 6-week postpartum appointment.

Six weeks sounds like a long time to not work out. But your body is actually experiencing a recovery process. You have a plate-sized wound in your uterus where the placenta detached, and the old mantra still holds true: “rest is best” for healing. While you are recovering, choose low-impact activities, according to your own limits, like short walks outside (fresh air being the added benefit) or simple stretching.

After I get the approval from my midwife and I know I’ve healed well, I take to YouTube to seek out Postpartum-specific yoga routines. I find they’re meant to loosen up your body and nurture the recovery phase. They’re usually very simple, but you’ll find it’s more than enough. Find my favorite playlist from Sarah Beth Yoga here.

From there, work your way up!

Once you start feeling really good and you have no hiccups (like recurrent bleeding or exhaustion), up the ante as you see fit! Start doing yoga routines that build strength, muscle, and tone. Find a class at a local studio (this is also a great place to meet other moms!). Research yoga classes and workout groups that are geared towards moms; often, you can work out with your baby in tow! Fit4Mom is a great place to start.

Before you know it, you’ll feel great, your life will start to feel more balanced, and who knows, you may even “get your body back” on accident!

How does Marabou support women?

We live in culture where “bouncing back” is more valued than proper rest. As admirable as it may be for a sports star to get back on the field, the same rules don’t apply to postpartum recovery. The traditional resting period has been stolen from women through pressure to get back to their job or simply through lack of presence.

Grandmas, sisters and best friends who otherwise would have been there to help a woman transition into motherhood often live too far away to be of any help. Household chores and caring for older children inevitably fall on the mom. But she just delivered a new life! She needs rest. 

Marabou Services is a unique gift registry which provides services instead of stuff. Most mom’s get too many onesies, too many baby blankets and not enough helping hands. Break out of a destructive cultural norm and start a Marabou registry today.

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.

Instacart: A Review

We surveyed moms about a year ago to ask them: “What challenges did you face postpartum?” Was it family balance? Nutrition? Breastfeeding? Knowing how to care for a newborn? It was a great discussion because many different topics came up, and I was even surprised a little by the results (I faced different challenges than other moms did and I realized that everyone’s postpartum experience can be so different).

One thing that came up was running errands. This was something I myself found to be very difficult. I had to (a) get myself out of the house, while recovering from childbirth, enduring a dodgy sleep rhythm, and having no energy, (b) get the baby out of the house in hopes that they wouldn’t need to nurse or poop, and (c) get my other children (hopefully fed, rested and happy) along for the ride! A grocery run was always quite a feat at that point.

In spite of all the challenges, I love grocery shopping. Planning ahead and making decisions in the moment, I find it to be a fun process. And after these many years, I know what we like and appreciate being to shop for my family.

This is the age of convenience, though. Why haven’t I tried the ubiquitous delivery service that every store now offers? I let go of the reins and decided to try Instacart for myself. I believe this company is nation-wide, or the closest thing to it; and people are loving it! I gave it a shot and here are my thoughts.

PROS:
  • Obviously – convenience! It didn’t take me long at all. Selecting which store they’d be shopping at, where I live, and when I want the delivery to come was all very simple.
    • I could also put in all of my payment information, including what I wanted to tip my shopper! I didn’t have to do anything on the tail end except receive my groceries and get them put away in the kitchen.
    • They also keep you updated. Notifications are sent to your phone when your shopper starts the process, when she replaces something, when she’s finished, and when the driver is on their way.
  • Good choices. There were no impulse buys from wandering a grocery store avoiding well placed treat tables and ignoring incessant requests for gummy worms and Cheez Its. I was also at home, so last-minute decisions (oh, I want to make muffins this week!) were easy to look up in my recipe book (see here!) instead of having to rely on my terrible memory.
  • Simple delivery. Instacart offers 1-hour delivery time slots. Many grocery stores themselves offer time slots based on delivery fee (e.g., you pay more for a 1-hour window and 4-hour windows are cheaper). Having all 1-hour slots means you don’t have to plan your entire day around being home for when your groceries show up and you have more flexibility (always a plus when children are involved).
  • It seems they thought of everything. You can even choose a replacement while your shopper is in action. Store out of the ketchup you requested? Choose a good second choice!
CONS:
  • Paper waste. We usually bag our groceries in reusable cloth bags, but that wasn’t really an option here. My 4 bags of groceries were all paper double-bagged, so I ended up with 8 paper bags! It just seemed excessive after using cloth bags for so long.
  • Multiple fees. I expected delivery fees, of course, and I knew I would tip my shopper. There was also a service fee to support their insurance, background checks, and customer support. It’s all fairly reasonable, but it would add up quickly over the month of using grocery delivery.
    • Delivery fee ($3.99) + service fee ($3.43) + tip (they suggest %5, and I rounded up to $5) = $12.42.
    • I don’t want to spend $12 on top of my groceries every time.
    • They do offer a plan for free deliveries for $99/year. I think this is a good way to keep your fees down, if you plan to use Instacart all the time. Of course, it doesn’t eliminate tip, which is a must for your shopper.

In the end:

I thought Instacart was a great service and very well implemented. For my family, though, I’m still inspired to shop myself. I know for a fact I’ll use Instacart through challenging times – my next postpartum phase, illness, a death in the family, or even if we just have a particularly crazy week. It’s nice to have the option, but I don’t think I’ll use it on a regular basis.

I can tell you, though, that it’s worth trying once to see how you like it and if it works for your family. Maybe that unlimited deliveries subscription is something that would work for and benefit your busy life!

Check out Instacart here.

How does Marabou support women?

We live in culture where “bouncing back” is more valued than proper rest. As admirable as it may be for a sports star to get back on the field, the same rules don’t apply to postpartum recovery. The traditional resting period has been stolen from women through pressure to get back to their job or simply through lack of presence.

Grandmas, sisters and best friends who otherwise would have been there to help a woman transition into motherhood often live too far away to be of any help. Household chores and caring for older children inevitably fall on the mom. But she just delivered a new life! She needs rest. 

Marabou Services is a unique gift registry which provides services instead of stuff. Most mom’s get too many onesies, too many baby blankets and not enough helping hands. Break out of a destructive cultural norm and start a Marabou registry today.

Start a Marabou Gift Registry!

With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.

Postpartum doulas for a first time mom

House cleanings for moms of multiples

Childcare for moms with older children!

Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.

More and more moms find they have to figure out postpartum alone. Is it any wonder why PMDs are on the rise? Or women are embittered by the journey of motherhood? We can change that by giving the gift of peace.