I get it. Sometimes, people are caught off guard my new mothers. What do I do for her? Do I even know her that well? What can I offer, really? It’s hard to know where we individually stand in a mother’s life, if we can just waltz over to her home, whether or not to bring a meal (Do they have allergies? I don’t even know!) or just flowers or whether we should just can the idea altogether for the sake of boundaries and privacy.
The thing is: all of these concerns have grounds. You’re absolutely right to be nervous! From one mother to the next, there are different needs. One mother will want everyone to come visit and share her joy. Another mother might want to just be left alone after a difficult labor. Overall, privacy and rest are something new mothers need. But, they also need support and extra hands. It’s a conundrum!
We put together this simple infographic as a guide each time someone you know has a baby. Just find your circle (inner circle, outer circle, or acquaintances) according to your relationship with mom. Are you a neighbor? Coordinate a neighborhood gift, but also give space after you deliver it. Old friends who stayed in contact on-and-off? Bring a meal and offer to do the dishes or make tea. Is she your best friend? Well, you already know what to do, but don’t forget her emotions and her need to process it all.
This is a guide only. These aren’t hard and fast rules. Maybe she is an old friend, but if you feel strongly that you could pitch in more like her inner circle because of the closeness you once shared with her, go for it. Follow your gut. Tune in to the mother and let her be your guide.
How does Marabou support women?
We live in culture where “bouncing back” is more valued than proper rest. As admirable as it may be for a sports star to get back on the field, the same rules don’t apply to postpartum recovery. The traditional resting period has been stolen from women through pressure to get back to their job or simply through lack of presence.
Grandmas, sisters and best friends who otherwise would have been there to help a woman transition into motherhood often live too far away to be of any help. Household chores and caring for older children inevitably fall on the mom. But she just delivered a new life! She needs rest.
Marabou Services is a unique gift registry which provides services instead of stuff. Most mom’s get too many onesies, too many baby blankets and not enough helping hands. Break out of a destructive cultural norm and start a Marabou registry today.
With a Marabou registry you can sing up for any service which will benefit you or someone you know during the postpartum recovery period.
Postpartum doulas for a first time mom
House cleanings for moms of multiples
Childcare for moms with older children!
Once your registry is created, add it to any other registry or post it to your Facebook and ask friends and family contribute to your postpartum service, rather than buying you more stuff.